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Wash. Rinse. Defeat.
Like most geeks, I am pretty amped up about the impending Tron sequel, Tron Legacy (yes, I know that I just used this space last week to rail against sequels and remakes; sue me – you think I get paid for this stuff?). Like most geeks, I have watched the trailer several times. And like most geeks, the trailer has left me with a burning question.
Namely, what’s with the albino guy?
If you haven’t seen the trailer, there is a fleeting glimpse of an albino doing an air guitar thing with a cane. A brief look at the blogosphere shows that this is a question that has lit a fire under Geek Nation.
Most bloggers I’ve seen are speculating that it’s either David Bowie or Jim Carrey (or both). However, the intrepid investigative journalists here at Worlds Without End have discovered that the albino is actually one of the Winter Brothers (we’re not sure which one, but my money’s on Edgar).
In honor of the serious hairdo sported by the presumed cyber-baddie, the WWE staff reached out to the American Society of Beauticians to help us create a list of the Top 10 Best Villainous Hairdos in Science Fiction. What follows is the result of months of furious polling by beauticians, barbers and hair aficionados from around the country.
Top 10 Best Villainous Hairdos in Science Fiction
10. Elijah Price (played by Samuel L. Jackson) / Unbreakable (2000) – The man who originally spelled out for audiences that a big head is a hallmark for the bad guy. “Jules” popped the ‘fro ala Sly & The Family Stone style, knowing that it would eventually all get shaved off before he tackled the mother-f’ing snakes on the mother-f’ing plane.
Did You Know?: His contract stipulates he must be given the coolest character name in any movie in which he is to appear.
9. Dr. Hans Reinhardt (played by Maximilian Schell) / The Black Hole (1979) – Abandoned space craft. Black hole. Wild-eyed Bee Gee. Hello, can anyone say mad scientist? And what was up with Tony Perkins’ creepy mancrush? Gang, anyone named Dr. Hans on an abandoned space craft is NOT to be trusted.
Did You Know?: He lost the part of Dr. Hans Zarkov in Flash Gordon to Topol, who was willing to do nudity.
8. Benson (played by Harvey Keitel) / Saturn 3 (1980) – At first glance, the hair doesn’t seem like much, but flip up the bad midlife crisis ponytail, and you have a rocking Black and Decker brainjack that would prefigure the Wachowskis by two decades. Trend setter!
Did You Know?: Benson found new life in a spinoff series, starring Robert Guillaume, spending seven seasons in ABC’s prime time line-up.
7. The Predator (played by Kevin Peter Hall) / Predator (1987) – Fan of corn rows ever since seeing Bo Derek in “10.” After his cameo role in Blake Edwards’ planned sequel “11” was scrapped, he went on a murderous rampage in South America, helping Jesse Ventura find time to bleed.
Did You Know?: He was a Colgate toothpaste model in the early 1970s.
6. Chet Donnelly (played by Bill Paxton) / Weird Science (1985) – In what still stands as one of the wonders of pre-CGI Hollywood, wunderkind director John Hughes managed to realistically coif Rodney Dangerfield’s prostate. And Chet had the nerve to ask Vasquez if she’d ever been mistaken for a man?
Did You Know?: He successfully ran Al Franken’s senatorial campaign in Minnesota.
5. Grand Moff Tarkin (played by Peter Cushing) / Star Wars (1977) – Who else but a Hammer vet could take grandma’s hairdo and infuse it with such menace? Was it just me, or did Princess Leia actually flee into the arms of Darth Vader to get away from Granny Cushing? Really? Darth Vader? Like he’s going to protect you? Well, he was your father.
Did You Know?: He lent his hair to Jeff Conway for the 1978 film production of Grease.
4. Wez (played by Vernon Wells) / The Road Warrior (1981) – Back when Mel Gibson traffic problems were a good thing, Wez epitomized the cliché that real men don’t ask for directions. This snarling ball of contempt for roadside assistance would later go quasi-gay as a henchman in Schwarzenegger’s Commando. Do you really want this guy going commando?
Did You Know?: He would later play tight end in the too-short lived XFL.
3. The Twins (played by Neil & Adrian Rayment) / The Matrix Reloaded (2003) – Eschewing their status as 70’s rock legends, Edgar and Johnny Winter tapped their inner Bo Dereks and dialed up some serious ghost ninja juju. Wardrobe by Mark Shale.
Did You Know?: They piloted The Suite Life of Marilyn Manson for the Disney Channel.
2. Davy Jones (played by Bill Nighy) / Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) – As Red Lobster’s spokesperson, he consummated the long-frustrated marriage of sex appeal and crab bisque. Plus, he gets bonus points due to the fact that his hairdo is prehensile.
Did You Know?: He co-starred in a revival of Goodbye, Mr. Chips.
And number one?
1. Romero (played by Frank Doubleday) / Escape From New York (1981) – Robert Pattinson, take note: this is unwashed hair that’s actually cool. With his prance, hyena laugh and octogenarian lingerie, Romero was “Cyndi Lauper” before being “Cyndi Lauper” was cool. “If you touch me, he dies. If you’re not in the air in 30 seconds, he dies.” He’s so unusual!
Did You Know?: He was the face of Jhirmack 1983.
BONUS PICK! Dr. Emilio Lizardo / Lord John Whorfin (played by John Lithgow) / The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984) – Split personality meets split ends. Didn’t make the list proper because we couldn’t decide which one of him deserved the credit. The best villain in a Peter Weller film not to later star in That 70’s Show.
Did You Know?: He writes children’s books.
If you don’t agree with the results of this poll, please consult your beautician.
5 Comments
Being a hair aficionado myself (I still have some), there were some good guys, fortunately not too many, that had some really nefarious hairdos. My top picks are:* Dr. Okun (Brent Spiner) in Independence Day who seemed as twisted as Hans Reinhardt in Black Hole. * Jack O’neil (Kurt Russell) in Stargate who definitely made my own hair raised.
I just recently watched the anniversary edition of Escape from New York and Cyndi Lauper jumped into my head the instant Romero came prancing out of the darkness. I remember him being more menacing the first time I saw the movie…. You could have included Sideshow Bob on your list of villians with great hair too. Four-fingered yellow people who never age living in a parallel universe? That’s Sci-Fi, my friend.
Okay. All bad hair. But I miss the oddest of them all: Gary Oldman in The fifth element. Ther’s a hair do that is really wierd
Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg! I loved his Hitler ‘do and the weird transparent hat he wore.
There is a lot of bad hair in the sci fi universe. (I’m one to talk.)
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